Thursday, November 18, 2010

Happy. Sad. Schitzo!

I’m panicking a little. The end is happening too fast.

I said goodbye to Erica when she left for Italy last month. I said goodbye to Cynthia, who’s taking off for LA this week. And now Rachel, who’s spending the last six weeks of the year in Germany.

I suddenly don’t have any more free weekends. My landlord let me know he has a tenant who wants to move in January 10. And they’ve hired a new writer to replace me at work.

Replaceable! I’m replaceable!

Yes, I’ve always known Paris wasn’t forever. I came over with a six-month contract, renewed for another nine months and then, oh alright, I’ll stick around for another six months. Until December 31, 2010. But now, with less than two months to go, I’m already feeling sad and weepy.

What am I going to do without the Velibs? The smell of the bread baking at the boulangeries? The markets and fromageries, my treehouse, the little side streets? Where will I get my macaron fixes?

There are all the museums, patisseries and restaurants I have yet to try. The views I haven’t seen yet. There are weekend (Bordeaux!) and day trips (Deauville!) and extended holidays (Copenhagen! Berlin!) I wanted to take.

I haven’t built a proper French wardrobe, mastered the language (ha, not even close), figured out how to successfully flirt or developed any French cooking skills.

I still don’t own anything by Louis Vuitton.

I am so looking forward to going home. This, I know and feel in my bones and heart. But I also don’t want this to end. I have built a wonderful life here. I have overcome obstacles and dealt with challenges (not always gracefully); I have learned about a foreign culture and myself; I have grown and I have had so. much. fun.

Paris has been amazing. I know I have been living my dream and I am eternally grateful for that. I only hope new dreams will arise and the bliss I feel in this city will be found elsewhere in my future.

18 comments:

  1. what can one say..?
    bon chance?
    or 'merde' as the french say...
    'one door closes and another one opens'
    Bob Marley

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  2. PS
    Hahaha
    pretend yr in my shoes and start
    RUNNING!!!
    it will prep you for NY stress too :)

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  3. I like the " one door closes and another one opens" :)
    Most of our adventures have been completely unplanned and most often, came long when we had our eyes on another goal altogether.
    I cannot imagine how I would be feeling in your place.
    I know that here, in my place, I dream of being back in NY on some days, I dream of being in Paris on some days, but then I get all full of separation anxiety and cling to my little home in Argentina.. Just look forward to your Next Adventure .. there is always a Next one :)

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  4. Whatever it is you are looking for will find you. Enjoy your last weeks and keep your head up. You wouldn't want to miss your next great adventure.

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  5. I am sure that more good things await you. Can we tag along?

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  6. Amy, I've loved living in Paris vicariously through you. I'll be sad to see your adventure end, too. Perhaps the next adventure will be somewhere else in France, if you choose?

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  7. I hate that we only just recently met :( You made the most of the food, the transportation (go you on the vélib!), the culture, and the beauty of this city and I assure you, it won't change. This doesn't have to be goodbye forever, with Paris. The trick will be to work toward a job that will allow you to split your time between your two loves!

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  8. Oh darling, I am already sad and weepy thinking about you going, too! But I know so many more wonderful adventures await you because you have such an open, curious, beautiful, and graceful way of embracing the world. New dreams will certainly appear.

    In Ghana, where I lived for 5 months, they don't say "goodbye". Instead, they say "we shall meet." Because you just never know what will happen. Nothing is forever. That also means your leaving Paris doesn't mean you won't come back. Of course you will! Direct flight from NYC - hello! You should be so proud of how fully you embraced this experience and we are all thankful that you shared it with us. You are awesome.

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  9. it wouldn't be paris if it didn't break your heart just a little bit. saying goodbye is always hard, but the things you're leaving behind are going to be there for you when you return someday. right now, there are a million other adventures out there waiting for you. i just hope you share them with the rest of us:) XOXO

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  10. And how we will miss your blog. But rest assured, life has a funny way of working out in the end. All the best (and I'm just about 7-8 months behind you on my way out of the door.)

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  11. Oh my God! I can't believe you're leaving at the end of the year! I'll really miss your blog! You think you can do a New York version of it?

    You'll just have to do the NY-Paris thing;) A few months in one place, a few months in the other:) Fortunately, it's feasible as a writer:)

    I'm spending New Year's in Paris and I might go there for work next year. Too bad you won't be in town: would have been nice to meet you:) However, looks like my career will also be taking me to NYC in the next few years... Maybe we can swap apartments!;) (I'm planning on buying a place in Paris shortly;)

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  12. Oh, thanks guys... now you've made my cheeks all tear-stained again!

    Carol and Candice, I like the "One door closes / another one opens" idea too. Though, this week it sometimes felt like "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out"!

    Lindsey and Sion, I still have two months! When is the next rendezvous?? You, too, Anne!

    J-Bird, From Cali, Amy, Duchesse, I've never met you though I feel like I know you. Which means you've all been part of this incredible journey. I, too, am sure there's an exciting new chapter (maybe not as beautiful and exciting, but still...) - we'll see if it's special enough to share with the world. :)

    Erin, I *loved* what you said about Paris breaking your heart a little... (I hear a little John Hughes in that, no??)

    Merci for all of your kind, sweet words, mes amies. I adore you.

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  13. Oh! I didn't know it was this soon!! What will I do without your beautiful little blog to take me away? I also love Erin's comment about Paris breaking your heart.
    Remember, you are still quite young, and Paris will always be there waiting for your return.

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  14. Ahh this is pretty much how I felt when I left Paris. I'm lucky that Ireland is close, but it's never the same being somewhere as a tourist and not a resident.

    My advice, do as much as you can! You can sleep on the plane/when you're back in the States. And it's nice to leave some things undone so you have a reason to go back!

    Not that Paris would ever need a reason... Bon Chance et Bis!

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  15. Oh noooooooo! You're leaving Paris? You've been my inspiration since I discovered your blog such a short time ago. I've been living vicariously through these (realistic) snippets of your wonderful, adventurous, challenging and food-and-fun-filled life in the City of Lights. I'm happy that you lived the dream (I'll get there one day!) and that you're going back to your beloved NYC. I'll miss your blog; best of luck to you and Miles! (-:

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  16. Oh my GOODness! This is too soon!!

    I've always felt that part of the American experience of Paris is leaving Paris. After all, most of us don't have the right to stay here forever legally. It's that bittersweet edge that makes you more aware and appreciative of the city's beauty, because you know its fleeting.

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  17. This news makes me sad. I have so been enjoying living vicariously through you! I left Paris in 2008 =(

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  18. Amy,
    I hope that you did not give up, at least not without kicking & screaming

    HUGS

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