Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Two months, sans Paris

C’est vrai. I’m missing Paris. Missing the life I had there. And it’s been on my mind because I’ve been wondering why, when I lived there, time was on my side. I exercised and worked daily, but then I still got around the city and did stuff. Every day revealed something to me—a boutique or a party, something goofy at the grocery store, a new word or cultural tic. I noticed the light in the evening and the flowers in the park and gargoyles on the buildings. The moon. I was inspired to take pictures of these things and motivated to write about them and it all felt effortless and natural and fulfilling.

I’m happy to be in New York. I am home, and that feels right and makes me feel good. But it’s exhausting here. It’s drudgery. And I miss what I felt in Paris. I want to notice things again. I want to float down the sidewalks and smile at nobody, but at everything, because I am so happy and charmed and moved. I want to feel buoyant and alive. I want to live with this secret inside of me—that because I am in Paris, everything is beautiful and makes sense and is for a reason.

20 comments:

  1. Hello! I've been reading your blog for some time and can so relate to this post.

    I've been to Paris many times and have never grown tired of all it's wonders. I live in Chicago, which is nothing like NY when it comes to being busy but it's a big city non-the-less. In all my time here, it has never inspired me or moved me as much as Paris. Everything indeed moves more slowly, and in some ways more meaningfully in the city of light.

    Hope you get a chance to visit again soon. :)

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  2. I live in LA, which is great in it's own way, but I totally understand what you mean by being in Paris and noticing things again. It might sound cheesy, but Paris totally has "something" about it...Even something about French people inspires you to let our your inner artist! That's how my boyfriend is, and that aspect in itself has inspired me. Cheers to hoping you get to go back to Paris soon!

    -Noelle

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  3. I call this "the in-between," when you're back in your home world after being away in a place that became a part of you. And unfortunately, "the in-between" lasts longer than we think it should. It lasts until it's done. I struggled for a year after my first trip to Ireland. But in that "in-between" time I found out so much about myself and so much about here where I am and so much about Ireland. Like you defining what you miss about your Paris - the feeling you had there, the things you noticed, the daily wonder.

    It's not stagnation. It's more growth. Really. It's also an intensely creative space to be in. Use it!

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  4. There is something about that city that's hard to shake once you're gone. I thought it was just me and boring Michigan, but I guess it can happen anywhere you live! Once the slush clears and the flowers are blooming in NYC i hope you find its charms and can float down the sidewalks there too! XO

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  5. Amy, that was such a beautiful post! It tugged at my heartstrings. New York is wonderful, creative, wild, busy, but the feeling of going up the escalator in Beaubourg and seeing the roofs of the city and Sacre Coeur in the distance...nothing can beat that...or those blooming paulownias in early spring, the different light throughout the day, the moon... So much beauty.

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  6. Beautiful post. You nailed the feeling perfectly :)

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  7. Lovely post! I send some parisian energy your way! :-)

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  8. come back! I feel sad thinking about the days when i wont live here :( sniff sniff.

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  9. I know how you feel. I'm in Paris now; nearing the end of a two week stay. I've rented an apartment for my time here and I don't want to leave. I think I'll have to do this again in the fall. I know how you feel about NY, being a New Yorker myself,but NY is about the new. Paris is about history. Every turn presents a nook, a passageway, a courtyard...not to mention the fabulously huge doors with ornate knobs front and center. I could go on but I want to bite into my macaron

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  10. I can remember all the trips to Paris and being back home and trying so hard to keep things at home, like Paris.
    But then you settled down into your old habits (ruts) and life is the way it used to be and not that magical .. partly because it is Real life and not a Holiday.
    Perhaps your life in Paris was work and real life but also holiday?
    If you had moved there and were there for good, would it have been as enchanted?
    I miss "home" .. we make vague plans to go back .. but then we both get this feeling of loss at the thought of leaving here.
    But I don't get that same feeling when I think of leaving here and going to Paris :)
    Wait til summer comes and you are not stuck in with the cold dreary weather.. see if things improve.
    Are there options of moving back? would you really want to?

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  11. Sigh, I think I can relate. You should just spend more time exploring new places! Check out different neighborhoods in Brooklyn, etc. I hope you get that feeling back home too :)

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  12. I feel you completely. This is a beautiful post. Transition is so hard, especially when you feel you've left your heart somewhere. I focus on incorporating paris into my life at home, but somehow it is not the same. You'll just need to go back. Cherish your memories for now. Thank you for sharing this so eloquently.

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  13. Beautiful declaration to Paris !

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  14. It always amazed me how much you did in a day while in Paris. You wisely made the most of it because your time there was limited. Living in the moment, for the moment is not an easy thing to do. Especially when on ones home turf.

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  15. This is how I've felt for a year now. It gets better after a few months. Thank god I'm going back for the month of July! I'm lucky. :]

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  16. Dear Amy,
    Perhaps its a global feeling, the cold, grey, and dull winter days and all of the turmoil through out the world.

    I think that you perhaps would feel this way no matter what city you are in, be it NYC or Paris.
    I remember this time last year of your tiresome of the weather (winter blues) and missing NYC a little.
    I know that you love Paris, as we all do, but perhaps reflect a little on the things that you did not like there or the things that bothered you.
    You have beautiful weather coming your way soon, and I think that will cheer you up immensely.

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  17. I was in Paris last week and even though I don't miss it as much as you, I do know what you mean about noticing things more. Living there was like being an explorer without having to put much effort into discovering, since almost everything was novel and different. I reckon most cities make you work harder for that feeling but it's so gratifying once you've reached that point!

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  18. You guys are amazing—thank you, thank you for the comments, empathy, support and keen insights. It in fact gave me a little hit of what I FELT in Paris. xo

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  19. We can't wait for you to come back and visit Amy. We are waiting.... and New York is pretty damn amazing too. xo Erica

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  20. I'm so excited to find your blog! I've scheduled my first trip to Paris (Next October) and I'm reading everything I can. Happy Spring from Houston, TX

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