But as my mantra has been since Parker was born: one day at a time.
And with that, it is getting easier. Parker is doing wonderfully with our nanny. They clearly love each other and it’s so reassuring knowing that Parker is having a good day, every day, while I’m at the office.
She’s starting to notice everything. Her feet and Milo are her current obsessions.
She’s nearly sleeping through the night. I’m going to give up the “dream feed”—when I wake her to nurse at 11:30pm, the idea being that it will sate her until dawn—and in a few weeks when she reaches six months, I’ll hopefully also stop pumping in the middle of the night. When she and I are both going to bed and waking up at normal hours, without any middle-of-the-night sessions, it will be a whole new ballgame.
And then I can take up with some of my old habits. Namely, exercising and writing.
I’ve been at my pre-pregnancy weight for months now. Which is great, but somewhat meaningless. Your body just changes when you have a baby. My belly is droopy and crepey and unless I invest in pilates or barre classes to tighten that shit up, which I don’t see myself doing, it might just stay like that. Forever. I’m trying to wean myself from my truck driver diet, but I’m also trying to enjoy it while I’m still breastfeeding and can get away with such gluttony. But I figure if I can get back to the gym and yoga in the meantime, so I can start feeling strong again, I will be halfway there.
And I want to write about all of these experiences! NY Mag is doing some great writing about pregnancy and parenthood these days. I have a book proposal that I started a year ago and needs a shot of love or risks withering on the vine. But I have yet to find any substantial chunk of time to focus on it. In time, in time…right??
I’m also excited to date my husband again. He has been my rock these past few months and I am in awe of how my love for him keeps growing. Like, how did he happen to me? How was he not taken already? He’s a dreamboat. He makes me feel reassured, normal, optimistic, safe and comforted about everything. I love just being with him, and it’s been fun watching The Wire, Mad Men and House of Cards during these long, cold winter months. But I’m hoping to get out on the town with him a little more—dinners, drinks and romantic times, oh yes.
It’s feeling a bit like a new dawn. Other parents say we're entering a golden period with Parker. From 5-12 months, or 6-8, depending who you ask. But the promise of even more fun and sweetness sounds pretty great.